Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
