He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
