if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
True college students do jello shots in the library
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