yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
