super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
