SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
