Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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