marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
