drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
