Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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