...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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