Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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