I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
