I accidentally had phone sex last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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