Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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