I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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