Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
