he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
