HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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