I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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