lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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