I skipped work to stalk him.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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