He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
