she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
