hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
