Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
