i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
