this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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