as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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