Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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