I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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