pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
