so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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