i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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