Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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