you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
