Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
