I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
