So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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