It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
