Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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