apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
