Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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