this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
