Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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