giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
