trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
