Me too!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
