Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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