Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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