I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
