hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
