so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
