Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
