My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
