i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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