he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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