someone get that fucking seahorse.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
