I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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