So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
